I have some thoughts around what Billy calls "eating season". If you are in any way offended by obscene language or hostility towards Santa, please stop reading NOW.
Fuck you Santa, you fat bastard. I'm trying to lose some goddamn weight over here. And what do you bring for me in December? A children's holiday party? Yeah, I'm sure there will be a lot of healthy options there. A "make your own gingerbread man" party and buffet? Great, thanks. A fucking cookie exchange? Are you kidding me? My wife is going to come home with a giant goddamn platter of cookies? Big help there, fatso. Oh, and then, of course, we need to have a neighborhood holiday party, where I have to pretend to like my drunk neighbors as the stuff their faces full of shit.
And we haven't even gotten to the big day! First, we have Xmas eve dinner! Bet there won't be any salmon there! Then, of course, Xmas day! My brother can tell you all about the carnage involved there after he kicks your ass. Yeah, he's the buff one in the corner there, he's been bulking up just for this moment.
But guess what? I'm not doing it. I'm going to lose 8 pounds this month, not gain 8 pounds. Just give my kids some presents and beat it. And it wouldn't hurt for you to try a salad once in a while.
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5 comments:
Awesome. I concur wholeheartedly :)
Dude.. you're SO getting coal.
=)
nice :)... lol. bring a side dish of salmon.
Last year that prick put a bag of doritos in my stocking... ;)
Santa, Ill take his presents to :p
You tell em Jay!
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